It was 2010 when nostalgia hit, and I found myself re-watching one of my all-time favorite series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I can’t recall the exact moment, but somewhere in one of those episodes, a spark ignited. That spark was the seed for The 23rd Pair, the Young Adult book I’m currently writing.
From that one fleeting idea, a whole new world started to form. I knew the beginning and the end—the A and the Z of the story—but the letters in between were still a mystery. I had a sense of who my main characters would be, their voices already echoing in my mind. But what did I do with this inspiration?
Absolutely nothing.
Writing Anxiety: The Fear That Holds Us Back
Because here’s the truth: I am afraid of writing. And that’s coming from someone who writes for a living. As a TV editor, I write or copywrite almost every day. It’s part of my craft, but it’s writing about what I have to, not about what I want to. And certainly not about things that come from within me.
Writing fiction is a different kind of beast. It’s a world birthed from deep inside, filled with characters and places that are pieces of me, yet entirely separate. With every line, the inner critic rises, relentless in its questioning: What if you can’t do this? What if no one likes it? What if they tear it apart? What if they don’t understand why this story matters?
Overcoming Writer’s Block: How I Got Unstuck
So, 14 years have passed, and this story still haunts me, refusing to let go. In 2021, I felt a sudden pull to read my grandfather’s diaries for the first time, but they had mysteriously disappeared. That story is for another day, but it was a turning point—it reignited my desire to write. So, I began. Slowly, hesitantly, but I started. And then, as I had always feared, the story block hit. I couldn’t solve a problem in the plot, and it paralyzed me.
I found myself stuck, starting new projects only to get caught in the same trap. And then, this year, the past came back like a steamroller, forcing me to confront it head-on. I couldn’t escape it any longer. I had to sit down and work through every issue, one by one. I brainstormed, wrote outlines, mapped each chapter’s direction, and discovered what they contributed to the story as a whole.
Writing Habits: The Promise of 500 Words a Day
I made myself a promise: 500 words a day. It felt manageable, even with a busy job. And slowly, day by day, my story began to take shape on the screen. I gave myself the freedom to adjust things when they didn’t work the way I’d imagined, and I kept writing, and writing, and writing. About 45,000 words are now on the page, with little less than the other half still waiting to be created.
Coping with Self-Doubt in Writing
Am I still afraid of writing? Absolutely. Every single day. Because every word carries so much love, so much work, so much of me. The fear never fully goes away; it’s always there, whispering doubts in your ear. But I’ve learned that the key is not to silence it completely but to keep writing despite it. I’ve found that embracing the fear and pushing through it is what makes the process feel alive and worthwhile.
The Importance of Writing Motivation and Connection
What keeps me going is the desire to see my story come to life and to connect with others through the written word. Writing is deeply personal, and there’s always that hope that someone out there will see the same value in it that you do. And like everything in life, all we really want is for it to be loved.
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